Defending Your Life

One of my best friends is about to defend her dissertation. It’s for a PhD in Literature and, although mine was in a science, I can see that the process/hazing/trauma looks to be pretty much the same. So she calls me to ask for advice, tips, and insider tricks....and I don’t want to talk about it. My defense was almost a year ago (it was successful, thanks) and I am loathe to even think about it still. It’s sort of like PTSD- remembering the actual event brings an adrenaline rush and anxiety as if I were actually still there. As if no time has passed and “They” can still pronounce me unworthy with a resounding “NO”! It’s not called a “defense” for nothing. It would be more appropriate to be allowed to curl up into a ball to protect your vital organs, rather than have to stand up behind a podium and try to think clearly.
Good things happened that day too. It was a full house, all of my colleagues and fellow students were there. My husband sat proudly in the audience. The lights were in my eyes and the rest of the room was dark, so I couldn’t really see him. But I knew he was there and every time I tripped over a thought or phrase, (or said “um” again! I really need to quit doing that) I looked to where he was sitting. He was my mental and emotional touchstone. A really big rabbit's foot, if you will.
And boy howdy did we throw a party at graduation! All of the pictures verify that I was plastered (eyes half-closed, sh!t-eating grin on my face). Yep, it was done, the horrible experience was survived, now back to having a life with All-New Extra FUN!™ and HAPPINESS! ™
I wish her luck. She won’t need it, but it never hurts to have luck on your side. I’ve given her the only tips I know – get plenty of sleep, no distractions, stay in the mental zone, and bring snacks for the Committee. Bribery doesn’t hurt. She should be fine. She’s made it this far and, as they say, she is truly the most knowledgeable person on the topic she is about to defend.
But I neither miss, nor envy, what she has in front of her.